"I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?" - Foo Fighters "Walk"
Love remains the one beauteous aspect of life. It can take us anywhere and bring feelings never imagined by ourselves. When I speak of love, I do not speak only of the connection that comes from another through a committed relationship but also the affection we give to ourselves.
This notion remains something I struggle with because I lack
- · self-confidence
- · self-respect
- · and self-love.
There are reasons for the way I feel, but coming to terms with it and seeking help did not happen easily. Sitting helplessly in the dark was easier than fighting to rekindle the spark that was withering inside me, but I was more miserable for this.
Learning to love myself did not happen overnight and it will be something I will fight with everyday. That may be sad but it is true. No one is without faults but they differ with each person. I struggle not only with these concepts but the problems that come with them: standing up for myself, acting like myself without fear of judgment, and they all stem from fear. I fear change, instability, and the possible outcome of ruining my future.
I consistently analyze and learned how and what to with help from those around me.
If I do not like the person I am, why?
As well, why am I unhappy with my life?
Well…
To look back on the topic on self-love, I lost myself and forgot who I am and want to become. My interests took a back seat to stress, and everything else happening around me took priority.
I missed laughing out loud because I could, being silly, and helping others and being strong enough to do it. I longed for the optimism I had as a child.
I missed being happy just being me, but that was impossible when vital parts lie dormant.
Things I Remind Myself: (some new, some old, and some I just learned)
· I remember that I cannot be there for others until I can be there for myself.
· It’s okay to be let my inner child out at times.
· No one knows me better than me. Therefore, no one can love me better than me.
· Making myself a priority does not mean I care about anyone less.
· I am not responsible for others’ happiness.
· I need to step away or say “no” to situations that will be bad for my health.
· I have a full future ahead of me and that is more than worth fighting for, but it is up to me to get there.
· I cannot predict the future.
· I cannot change the past.
· I cannot be myself if I’m trying to make everyone else happy and conform to what they want.
· No one should expect me to be happy all the time.
· It’s okay to let my emotions out: to scream, to cry, to laugh.
· I do have people who care about me and who love me.
· I am only as alone as I make myself.
· I am beautiful.
· I deserve good things in life.
Life holds many mysteries and I realize I will NEVER figure them all out, but I hope to have a better grasp on myself and my life. I want to find passion and be passionate about everyday and all I do in life. If life has no interest and holds no happiness, why would it worth living?
