The Illusion of Safety

"Like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had and what you lost" - Fleetwood Mac "Dreams"

Stability and safety are two things I've constantly sought out in life, but anything I became to believe was constant fell apart. Family, relationships, illnesses, the future remains unknown.

That is the hardest thing for me to accept.

I want comfort in reality instead of the harshness I see. Therefore, I'm terrified of so many things.

• I'm scared of being abandoned.
• I'm scared I will end up alone.
• I'm scared I'll give up on life.
• I'm scared I'll never be able to accept the unknown. 

My future is uncertain and of course it's unknown. I will never have a Delphic oracle to predict my future and I don't believe in psychics.  Something I read today said, "don't cling to your illusion of safety".

My distorted illusion of safety is not taking risks, not putting myself out there to be hurt, and to stay alone. Is that really safe though? It may be. I would never be hurt by another but I would hurt myself.

Aha! 

There is no safety out there but the way I see it I have two choices.

1. I can live an adventure accepting the unknown risks.
2. Or I can sit here and be "safe" from others and be miserable by myself. 

Logically the answer is clear! (number 1 of course) That answer is the hardest one for me to accept. The past has made me more inclined to steer clear of potentially negative situations and avoid conflicts. I avoid conflict like the plague.

My fear is my own worst enemy. It always has been and I struggle with it everyday. My brain screams at me to "Run"! But to where?

Take the risk, take a breath, and live a life that is more than merely surviving.