Once Upon a Time I Met a Boy

Second Grade

The Beginning

 I wanted to tell this story, because I feel like so much of the time Brett and I do everything backwards. Mainly, I want to tell the stories that make me smile, which are how Brett and I got together. Maybe we are not that much different from other couples, but compared to how these things happen in movies, I feel we have our own backwards fairytale. We'll never have a castle, but I feel pretty lucky to be marrying my best friend from first grade.

Fourth Grade

About 14 years ago, I entered first grade. Finally, my hair started to grow back after I maliciously chopped it off before I entered kindergarten, but that's another story (let's just put it off to OCD tendencies at a young age for now). I met a boy. He had blonde hair just like me, and had to wear glasses when doing his schoolwork. This stands out since he was the only other kid in class besides myself who had to wear glasses at times. He never wanted to, but I would remind him like clockwork to wear them. Mostly, I did this because then I was not the only one. Now, I remind him, because I want him to be safe while driving.

In fifth grade, we started dating...well kinda. It really is the more of the elementary title of this boy and I think we are dating. We all remember those words, "Will you go out with me?" However, neither one of us did or asked anything. Instead, girls in our fifth grade English class asked Brett and I if we liked one another. I am not sure about him, but I really did not know what to say. The word "like" has more meanings at a young age than it does now as an adult. Apparently that lack of words meant solidification, a signed deal, and then neither one of us knew what to do. He told his parents. I told mine, and I'm sure both pairs laughed at their kids. According to his mother, he announced at dinner that he was now going steady with me. Throughout this period, we exchanged Valentine's presents, birthday presents, and then I broke up with him in the sixth grade. In that whole year and a half, we held hands twice.

Fifth Grade - Valentine's Day

 Once upon a time, we were kids, and life was much easier. We grew up with one another. Sometimes, you could barely separate us. Yet at other times, we distanced ourselves due to growing pains. Regardless, whenever I needed a friend, Brett was there. I got a hug from him most days, and usually that is just what I needed. If you notice in these pictures, one of us is always in the background. We were always around one another in some way until I left for college.

  Freshman Year at College

As I said, college was the first real time Brett and I separated from one another. We had been in band together all through school, many of the same classes, and therefore, I saw him multiple times a day. I left for Baltimore to explore English, and he headed to Purdue in the endeavor to become a Nuclear Engineer. I love how every time someone mentions my fiance's major they all go "Ooh" or "Ahh". Yes, it sounds impressive, but I guarantee you we both work just as hard as the other one. Anyways back to the story, once we left for college, Brett and I barely spoke for awhile. The few times I tried to contact him I got quick or annoyed answers, so I stopped talking to him but not in an angry way. Honestly, he needed time and space to adjust and grow, and sometimes we all need left alone.

Prom 2010

Well, then Thanksgiving came and I sent a mass "Happy Thanksgiving" to my contacts list in my phone. Oddly, I got a reply from Brett, but not the usual, "You too." Roughly, it ended in "I can't wait to see and talk to you this Christmas." Uh...WHAT? Where did this come from? Why am I seeing you at Christmas? Apparently, he decided we were hanging out all on his own. These are just some of the many things I thought, but of course did not say to him. I liked Brett as more than a friend since half way through my senior year of high school. I asked him to prom, and it was the best dance I ever went to. From there on, I could not help it. I was schoolgirl with a crush.

Christmas came and went, and we hung out a few times. We were still friends, but nothing monumental happened. He came to my house. I went to his, played Wii with his mom, and then left to go back to school.

Spring Break

Barnes and Noble

After that, things went back to normal for the most part. I immersed myself into my classes, and continued to deal with issues due to the chaos that my life was at the time. I made new friends and then more new friends, but I thought about Brett now and then. I wanted to come home to look for a summer job, because waiting makes things harder. Throughout the weeks at school I always remained in contact with Lyla, Brett's mother. She knew more than anyone how much I liked Brett, but I truly never thought he and I would date. If it was up to this mama, she would have arranged a marriage for Brett and I in elementary school. We talked through Facebook on chat for hours, and she asked if I would like to visit Brett at Purdue while over spring break. She said we'd both go up there and visit him, go to the mall, and then head home.

Taco Bell

Brett seemed fine with this plan until I got home for spring break. He complained he was too busy, and after the last few days for me, I got snippy with him. I said, "That's fine if you don't want us to come up  to see you, but you get a hold of your mother and tell her. Especially, since she thinks we are seeing you tomorrow." That week I had spent quite a bit of time at the hospital with my grandfather. He had a stroke and some other problems. Needless to say, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. After I apologized for being short with Brett, and explained to him why. He agreed to see us for a few hours the next day, between his class and his meeting later on.

Visiting Brett at Purdue

 On March 24, 2011, Lyla and I traveled to Purdue University to briefly see Brett. As soon as he got in the van, we conversed just like we always did. We joked, laughed, and extensively complained about how long it takes his mother to get anywhere. Honestly, she is never on time. That is how it always was and will be; at this time, I did not know this information. Brett had been texting me beforehand wondering when Lyla and I would arrive to pick him up. I cannot blame him for his impatience this time. I felt the same way. It is almost impossible to get his mother out of Hobby Lobby, and from that day on, I dubbed it the black hole.

Getting ready to leave/returning from his dorm room

We went to Barnes and Noble, the Tippecanoe Mall, Taco Bell, and headed back to campus. He asked if I wanted to meet his friends and see his dorm room. Of course, I really just wanted to get a hug out of him before I left. Before we headed up to his dorm room he asked, "How do you want me to introduce you?" I laughed and said, "My sister calls you my boyfriend." He said, "My mom calls you my wife." "Well, then you choose!" I replied.

 As a joke, we decided to tell his friends that we were dating, because they would never believe it. Brett did not really hang out with girls at college. However, his room was empty and his friends elsewhere, but I got my hug out of the little trip. He decided he'd still play this joke on his friends later on. They could not believe Brett was dating a girl. They definitely questioned the fact that Brett said we had been dating for awhile. I called him later to find out how they reacted, but Brett gets awkward on the phone when his friends are near. Instead, he sent me text messages later, but something weird happened. It sounded from his texts as though he thought we had begun dating, but it was unclear and indefinite. I get confused enough the way it is. I need clearly defined answers so there is no wrong interpretations.

Me: "So are we dating then?"
Brett: "Well, it was going to happen eventually anyways."

Yes, this is how it happened through a text message. I started dating Brett as a joke, which seems quite odd. Still, it worked, and we continue to do a lot of things backwards.At the time, I jumped for joy, because finally, it had happened! I wanted this for so long. To sum up, life never goes the way I plan or the way I think it should. Regardless, life is full of interesting stories, and that little boy in first grade sits next to me right now. Once upon a time I met a boy, and I fell in love.

What's my age again?

No one should take themselves so seriously With many years ahead to fall in line Why would you wish that on me? I never want to act my age What's my age again? What's my age again?

Read more: BLINK 182 - WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN? LYRICS

No one should take themselves so seriously With many years ahead to fall in line Why would you wish that on me? I never want to act my age What's my age again? What's my age again?

Read more: BLINK 182 - WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN? LYRICS

Read more: BLINK 182 - WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN? LYRICS "

"With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never want to act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?" - Blink 182

No one should take themselves so seriously With many years ahead to fall in line Why would you wish that on me? I never want to act my age What's my age again? What's my age again?

Read more: BLINK 182 - WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN? LYRICS

 Okay, I know I did not finish the thankful for a month posts, but other things took priority. Did I ever mention how short of an attention span I can have?

Anyways, lately my thoughts focus on how things are drastically changing for people my age (If nothing tells you about my age, the fact that I listen to Blink 182 should). It seems almost every time I log into Facebook someone is either pregnant or getting married. When I go home, my fiance's parents tell me so and so is having a baby or engaged. Seriously, right now I feel like pregnancy is a disease. That is not to say it's not a beautiful thing, but right now, babies are not what I want. However, the other group continues to grow, those who are getting married, and now I fit into this category as well. It feels weird somehow like it snuck up on me. I see others years younger than I get married or have children, and it's hard to believe we may be at that age where it's time to start families. Are we really there already? For all of us, no some probably are not.  Yet, here I sit now with a ring on my finger, soon to marry the love of my life, and not so long ago this seemed impossible.

Reflecting upon the past and how things change for others, I am so grateful that this is where my life headed towards. There were many chances for it to dive and blow up like a nuclear disaster. A very old friend contacted me yesterday. Over the years, we went our separate ways, because we each traveled a different path than the other. Life changes. We changed, but sadly, life did not go upwards for her. Instead, a series of extremely unfortunate events happened, because of poor decisions, drugs, and losing control. It can happen to anyone. Still, it's sad to see someone's life torn to shreds. When I asked her originally how she was, she responded she did not want to tell me, because it sounded embarrassing compared to how my life is going. That's why this subject is still strongly impressed upon me today.

Question: How many times do we try to plan our lives out?

I do not know about the rest of you, but I have constantly tried to sketch out my life the way I want it.

Next question: How often does life work out the way you plan it?

As far as my life and the others I know close to me, life never goes the way we planned it. For some, it ends up better; for some, it's worse.

For example, I planned to go to UMBC for four years, get a job, possibly get married, and then down the road have a few kids. Thus far, I transferred to Purdue, am still in the process of graduating, and am getting married next year. That's quite a change. Through this I learned not to plan everything, and I really do not anymore. Next summer, I have no clue what is going on. Besides a few things, I cannot plan a month from now, because life is ever-changing. Finally, I think I learned something quite valuable.

Dabbling in the future leads to trouble. We end up disappointed, saddened, or wondering where we went wrong sometimes. Honestly, for those I see who live out their lives the way they planned (or theirs parents have) seem awfully boring and colorless. Too many things are expected, and they lack adventures, learning new things, and many priceless opportunities.

The plan was always graduate high school, college, marry, and then have kids; I hear this for quite a few people. It's engrained is us through society and through our families. Very few of us live this formula, and I never will. Switch things around, delete one, add another, and make life your own. Do not let anyone ever tell you what your life should look like unless you are unhappy with it. I love my life, and I am excited to see where it takes not only me but my family. Soon, I will have my own, and in an odd ball way, my dreams are coming true.

If I have anything worth listening to today, this is it. Live for you, create your own beautiful story, and do it all to make yourself happy.

Being Thankful Everday (Days 8-14)

Here we go! It's round two of thankfulness, and this time the things I am thankful for are a little more all over the place.

8. I am thankful for love. Love comes in many forms. It may be for a partner, family, friends, pets, and many others. The beautiful thing about love is it's versatility, and the fact that we as humans can feel such a profound emotion. It makes this world beautiful and brings hope. Sometimes we fall in love, out of love, or love people we sometimes cannot stand (it happens to us all). Remember as corny as it sounds, with love anything is possible. I truly do believe that.

9. I am thankful for my friends (you didn't think I forgot you, did you?). Over the course of my life, I have known many wonderful people. Remember back in those younger years, we'd find a friend and say, "We'll be best friends forever." Some people do have that, and that friendship is something to cherish. My life is a little different with friends but no less great. Few of my friends have I been close to since I was little. Probably the longest friendship I have had is the man who is now my fiance. Yet, throughout my life, I have been friends with many different people in different place, and they have made me a better person. I love you all dearly including the friends I may not converse with as much as I used too. Life is busy and always changing, and I hope you know that I am thankful for you.

10. I am thankful for individually-sized food items. Maybe I am a bit OCD, but I love having things in individual packages. My fridge is full of them: lunchables, juice boxes, fruit cups, yogurt, string cheese, diet coke, and salads. These items make lunches very easy for a college woman on the go, and that would be me! I rarely have time to fix lunch, and living in a dormitory, it's more of a hassle than I want. Plus, these items remind me of when I was a child. I do not care how odd I look to my peers. I feed my inner child in more way than one, and I am thankful to the simple things that make life easier.

11. I am thankful for all the veterans who have fought for this country. Though sometimes, I am appalled at the things my government does, I still have more freedom and opportunities than many in this world. I have the right to free speech, an education, and to pursue happiness. Sometimes it seems surreal. However, when you look at a memorial with all the names of the dead, it is clear that they all felt our country was worth the fighting. To all those I know personally in the military currently, I am thankful for every time you come home safely.

12. I am thankful for those who help others, especially doctors and therapists. At some point in everyone's life, we all had to ask someone else for help. It may not be a doctor but rather a friend or family member. I have been there, and I am thankful those who helped me get back on track in life.No one is perfect, and sometimes things feel out of control. I still have days like that now and then. Who doesn't? However, for everyday I get through with even only a moment of happiness is steps beyond where I once was. Sometimes those dark moments seem surreal, and those memories feel like just bad dreams. Therefore, I am thankful to those who helped me get past those moments so I can handle today.

13. I am thankful for the internet and other newer technologies. Now, pay attention for a minute. I know there are a lot of risky things on the net, and most of them I do not want to see either. Yet, the internet has allowed for a global community, easy communication, and resources impossible to access before. As an English major, I am VERY happy that I do not have to venture to multiple libraries for every paper. I love school, but I can be a lazy student. As well, the internet lets me talked to loved ones far away such as my sister up north and my friends out east.Without the net, I am rarely ever talk to them again, because phones cost more than they are worth sometimes. At certain moments, I hate technology and the internet due to frustration or over-exposure. Regardless, I am thankful to all of it, because it improves the quality of life for everyone in more ways than I can describe here.

14. I am thankful for my health. Thank goodness I have decent health, because I am not always as good to my body as I should be. I do not sleep enough, drink way too much caffeine, and treat myself to bad food now and then (usually in the form of pizza lunchables!). However, I have been blessed to rarely be ill. I get colds now and then, my body aches constantly, but it could be much worse. I watch people with conditions struggle through and make the best of what they have. Regardless, I can still walk, see, talk, and am free of any serious illnesses. That is something to always be thankful for!

 Now that Thanksgiving is nearing, think of what you are thankful for. Many of you post things on facebook, but I am curious. What are you thankful for? Is it something serious, silly, small, or big? The important thing is to remember we all have something to be thankful for this month. 

Being Thankful Everday (Days 1-7)

Here is one thing for each day before Thanksgiving that I am thankful for:

1. I am thankful for my wonderful best friend and someday husband. He gives me everything I could want in a partner and so much more. He comforts me physically, emotionally, and mentally. He has seen me through the worst of times and still loves me regardless. We are best when we are together, and he pushes me to be better every day. He makes me happy, even after fights and frustration. It's rare in this world to find someone who loves everything about someone including their bad side. I love him more each day.

2.I am thankful for my sister. She is really my pseudo-mother, and not a week goes by without us talking for hours on the phone. When I'm sad, happy, angry, or hurt, she is there to listen, share, and relate. She supports me in all I do, and never gives up on me. I love talking with her whether it is funny moments to share, talking about food (which happens a lot!), or venting about the craziness each of us has in our lives. Honestly, she has been there for me more than anyone this past year. Our time together is never long enough, and I wish I lived closer to her. However, no matter what the distance, I still have the most wonderful sister in world. I love you and cannot wait to see you this Christmas. 

3.  I am thankful for my parents. They brought me into this world and raised me to be an independent woman. Though we struggle and fight a lot, I will always love them. They taught me an appreciation for food, and gave me a sense of humor quite different from others. They let me fall down and learn from my mistakes just as we all continue to in life. All of us are split up now, but that does not discredit the wonderful memories we made as a family. Some things change for the better for worse, but thank you for giving me life. Mom, I could not be in school without you, and you would do anything for me. That means more than I can describe, and I'm sorry it's been so rough for us lately. However, you and I are making it, and we will continue to make our lives wonderful. Dad, I miss you, but we each have to do what is best for us individually. I will cherish the wonderful memories, and I hope someday we will have more. 

4. I am thankful for my soon-to-be in-laws. After living with you for the summer, I am amazed we survived (just kidding!). You really have be there through a lot of the recent tough times, and Lyla, I know you understand first-hand all I go through. I am very proud to call you my second mom. You are living proof that no matter what life throws you, it is possible to have a wonderful family and life.  We have a lot to be happy for! David, I know you and I do not always see eye-to-eye, but thank you for caring so much about your son and I. Thank you both for bringing him into the world, because without that, I would not have him in my life. David, I hope to grow closer to you more and more as time goes on, and you do everything with love.  Thank you for taking me in, and continuing to be supportive. I love you both very much. 

5. I am thankful my education. Every day at school I continue to learn. I love learning even when I do not want to do the work (we all have those moments). My continuing education teaches me about the world, its communities, and its individuals. It is amazing to use my individual talents to prepare for a career. It isn't always easy, but I would not change a minute of it. Through my two schools, I have met amazing teachers, learned wonderful things, and met remarkable friends.  

6. I am thankful for having the means to get by month to month. If it may not seem important to all, but there have been days and nights worrying about bills. Whether I like it or not, I need money to survive, and I am so lucky to have all I do. I have more than a lot of people in this world. I have clothes, food, and a place to sleep at night. Sometimes, it gets too easy to worry about the things we do not have, but I have all I need. It isn't always easy, and I worry about getting by semester to semester, but somehow it always comes together. That is something to be very thankful for! 

7. Now, it time for something less serious. Therefore, I am thankful for coffee. If you could not tell by my background, I love coffee! I know this sounds silly in comparison to all the heavy things mentioned before, but coffee has a lot of wonderful memories associated with it. Many times I woke up to coffee on the weekends with my parents, would head to Starbucks to procrastinate homework with my best friend, or drink it late for those tough nights. It may just be a delicious, caffeinated beverage, but sometimes, it is just what I need. 

Random, Frustrating, and a Little Bit Sad

What happens now? I am twenty-one years old, and my parents divorce is final. Now that it's complete, I feel relieved but saddened as well. Tears fill me eyes for the first time in over a month, because my parents are no longer married. Even sadder, there is little evidence of that semi-happy family that once existed. All the secrets and wrong-doings are out in the air; there is nothing more to hide. Due to this information, I have a hard time distinguishing what was real. Were we ever a functional family?

I read in a book, one from my education courses, a teacher dealing with a child with newly separated parents. She told the child that even though her parents were not together they still loved her much and liked her. Deep down, I know my parents will always love me, but right now, one and I do not see eye to eye. It hurts so much to know that money is more important to my dad than my future and even just me. He says that all of kids hurt him, but I know none of us do it intentionally. It is never easy putting distance between oneself and a parent. Most of us want them happy, the best for them, and to help them in whatever way possible.

I cannot help him anymore, because he wishes to drag me down into his misery. I have been in that dark place in my life. I will not go there willingly. Because of his random outbreaks of anger, I am terrified to call him. The thought of being alone with my dad almost puts me in a panic attack. Getting to this point has been a painful journey, but I am much stronger for it.

I'm twenty-one years old, and my parents' divorce hurts. It hurts no matter what age a person is, and how far away they are. My family has taught me one thing though. My kids will come first someday. I will support them in whatever way I can. I won't be perfect, but I will be better.

Students in my classes count down the days until Thanksgiving. They cannot wait to go home. I envy them, and it makes me smile that they have such wonderful families. My family is spread out in different countries and states, but very little of it lies near here. In lieu of the family I lost I gained another. Many of them are still at UMBC. Of all days, I wish I was there, because they are the most supportive people I know other than my sister and boyfriend. You know who you are if you read this.

Some days and moments are sad ones, but they compare little to the ones spent in happiness.

Seriously! It's not about you. It's about me.

Walking back from class

"Sometimes we laugh
Sometimes we scream
But we still run to chase these dreams" - "Somedays" by Lostprophets

Now I know this title may sound dramatic, emo, and a bit conceited. However, there is a reason why I did this. I want to emphasize my message. I'm sure at some point in everyone's life, there has been one or multiple persons that did not encourage your dreams or held you back from them. It is terrible when it's a friend or partner. It is unacceptable and horrendous when it is one's own family, and yes, you can bet that I have this problem indeed!

  This post is not singularly about venting but about moving past this obstruction. It is too simple to blame our lives on another person and scream, "It's not my fault if only..." and so on. Yet, my life is my own, and therefore, my future is as well. I have worked extremely hard these past few years to get where I am in life now physically, emotionally, mentally, and academically. It was not mere reflection but an ongoing battle to improve my life.

 Fast forward to today, I am a strong student with good grades, involved in multiple organizations at Purdue already, and will hopefully graduate only one semester later than originally planned (that is due to transferring schools). I am not trying to boast, but I am proud of myself.

So here's is my complaint...when a daughter tells her one of her parents about how hard she is working for her future, only a response like this could annoy me this much, "You're going into more debt though" or my favorite "You won't be able to pay back your loans." This is just a generic version of the multiple times I have heard this or some version of this or some type of discouragement. Really? How dare someone doubt my ability to figure out my future or to succeed? I have done pretty well so far. Further more, yeah I am in debt because of school, but stopping school now and working at a factory is not going to cut it. I refuse to ruin my life just because this person is miserable in theirs.

Okay...I feel better now. It is just beyond frustrating. I will be the only person in my immediate family to graduate college, and I am working day and night to fulfill my dreams. I am beyond aware that as a teacher I will not make a lot of money. However, I can and WILL figure it out.

As elementary as it may sound, this is my life and I will shape it how I see fitting. Who does not want better for their own children? It makes me sad, but this difficulty gives me strength. I am doing this for me, and that makes it worthwhile. I have a support team of certain family members, friends who are like my family, and a partner who brings out the best in me. I may have a different kind of life from others around me, but it is no less wonderful.

Here is my advice (after my little rant)...make your own life as wonderful and beautiful as you want, do not let anyone stop you (including crazy family members), and do not give up. Someday, even today for me, it is and was all worth it.

Oh the Changes!

 "Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through" - Changes by David Bowie

Hawkins Hall at Purdue

I'm not sure if this will become I routine thing again, but my lack of writing lately is driving me bonkers, yes bonkers! I have to do something, because the transfer from one college to another has left me friendless. Therefore, I have NO ONE to talk to! Yes, I have my loving boyfriend here, but there are some things only friends can remedy.

 Now that a few weeks have passed, I am in more of a routine at Purdue, and can set aside a few minutes to take time for myself. The first few weeks are always the worst, and transferring put me back at square one. I totally feel like a freshman sometimes but with an older mentality. As my instructor said today, "So you're kind of a third year freshman?" I guess that is as close to accuracy as I'll get.

One of the things about English Education is they require us to get involved. That sounds easy, but to be honest, I can be and am a loner most of the time. I go about my day, doing my own thing, and make time for homework and nothing else. In order to fulfill this requirement, I joined one serious organization and one that is totally a crock, but I love it. The first one is unimportant and no one cares, but the second is the Society of Gallifreyans. For those whose nerdiness is below par (not that I'm judging), it is a club based on and about Doctor Who. For the first time at this school, I felt right at home, because I was surrounded by people a lot like me.

As the week begins to wind down, I have a lot of time to reflect. Lately, my thoughts are consumed by my friends from Baltimore. I miss them, and will (hopefully someday soonish) see them again. My world is changing once again, but regardless of how it changes, I never forget those who got me here.