Seriously! It's not about you. It's about me.

Walking back from class

"Sometimes we laugh
Sometimes we scream
But we still run to chase these dreams" - "Somedays" by Lostprophets

Now I know this title may sound dramatic, emo, and a bit conceited. However, there is a reason why I did this. I want to emphasize my message. I'm sure at some point in everyone's life, there has been one or multiple persons that did not encourage your dreams or held you back from them. It is terrible when it's a friend or partner. It is unacceptable and horrendous when it is one's own family, and yes, you can bet that I have this problem indeed!

  This post is not singularly about venting but about moving past this obstruction. It is too simple to blame our lives on another person and scream, "It's not my fault if only..." and so on. Yet, my life is my own, and therefore, my future is as well. I have worked extremely hard these past few years to get where I am in life now physically, emotionally, mentally, and academically. It was not mere reflection but an ongoing battle to improve my life.

 Fast forward to today, I am a strong student with good grades, involved in multiple organizations at Purdue already, and will hopefully graduate only one semester later than originally planned (that is due to transferring schools). I am not trying to boast, but I am proud of myself.

So here's is my complaint...when a daughter tells her one of her parents about how hard she is working for her future, only a response like this could annoy me this much, "You're going into more debt though" or my favorite "You won't be able to pay back your loans." This is just a generic version of the multiple times I have heard this or some version of this or some type of discouragement. Really? How dare someone doubt my ability to figure out my future or to succeed? I have done pretty well so far. Further more, yeah I am in debt because of school, but stopping school now and working at a factory is not going to cut it. I refuse to ruin my life just because this person is miserable in theirs.

Okay...I feel better now. It is just beyond frustrating. I will be the only person in my immediate family to graduate college, and I am working day and night to fulfill my dreams. I am beyond aware that as a teacher I will not make a lot of money. However, I can and WILL figure it out.

As elementary as it may sound, this is my life and I will shape it how I see fitting. Who does not want better for their own children? It makes me sad, but this difficulty gives me strength. I am doing this for me, and that makes it worthwhile. I have a support team of certain family members, friends who are like my family, and a partner who brings out the best in me. I may have a different kind of life from others around me, but it is no less wonderful.

Here is my advice (after my little rant)...make your own life as wonderful and beautiful as you want, do not let anyone stop you (including crazy family members), and do not give up. Someday, even today for me, it is and was all worth it.

Oh the Changes!

 "Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through" - Changes by David Bowie

Hawkins Hall at Purdue

I'm not sure if this will become I routine thing again, but my lack of writing lately is driving me bonkers, yes bonkers! I have to do something, because the transfer from one college to another has left me friendless. Therefore, I have NO ONE to talk to! Yes, I have my loving boyfriend here, but there are some things only friends can remedy.

 Now that a few weeks have passed, I am in more of a routine at Purdue, and can set aside a few minutes to take time for myself. The first few weeks are always the worst, and transferring put me back at square one. I totally feel like a freshman sometimes but with an older mentality. As my instructor said today, "So you're kind of a third year freshman?" I guess that is as close to accuracy as I'll get.

One of the things about English Education is they require us to get involved. That sounds easy, but to be honest, I can be and am a loner most of the time. I go about my day, doing my own thing, and make time for homework and nothing else. In order to fulfill this requirement, I joined one serious organization and one that is totally a crock, but I love it. The first one is unimportant and no one cares, but the second is the Society of Gallifreyans. For those whose nerdiness is below par (not that I'm judging), it is a club based on and about Doctor Who. For the first time at this school, I felt right at home, because I was surrounded by people a lot like me.

As the week begins to wind down, I have a lot of time to reflect. Lately, my thoughts are consumed by my friends from Baltimore. I miss them, and will (hopefully someday soonish) see them again. My world is changing once again, but regardless of how it changes, I never forget those who got me here.